Общение на английском

[KOPAY]

Сообщение от alessia

KOPAY, it's a great idea ! But why do u think that I don't want to chat with u via ICQ ?????????

It's simply was the sentence to beginning our conversation here
please, smile

[you_are]

Vаn der Bot
NOTHING IS GOOD, ALL'S BAD.

[КаприZная]

Сообщение от Mikha

really?

yes

[лесоруб]

If you want to fuck with pleasure **** yourself как можно реже

[mia_from_here]

лесоруб, no rude words, please.

[Alessia]

Lesorub's words - is my motto now !!!

[Serhio]

Думаю Миа тереть это не будет!!!
_______________________________
Джордж Буш - GB.

Кондолиза Райс - CR.

Обсуждение назначения Ху Дзиньтао на должность председателя КНР.

GB: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

CR: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

GB: Great. Lay it on me.

CR: Hu is the new leader of China.

GB: That's what I want to know.

CR: That's what I'm telling you.

GB: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

CR: Yes.

GB: I mean the fellow's name.

CR: Hu.

GB: The guy in China.

CR: Hu.

GB: The new leader of China.

CR: Hu.

GB: The Chinaman!

CR: Hu is leading China.

GB: Now whaddya' asking me for?

CR: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

GB: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

CR: That's the man's name.

GB: That's who's name?

CR: Yes.

GB: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

CR: Yes, sir.

GB: Yassir??? Yassir Arafat is in China?! I thought he was in the Middle East.

CR: That's correct.

GB: Then who is in China?

CR: Yes, sir.

GB: Yassir is in China?

CR: No, sir.

GB: Then who is?

CR: Yes, sir.

GB: Yassir?

CR: No, sir.

GB: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

CR: Kofi?

GB: No, thanks.

CR: You want Kofi?

GB: No.

CR: You don't want Kofi.

GB: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

CR: Yes, sir.

GB: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

CR: Kofi?

GB: Milk! Will you please make the call?

CR: And call who?

GB: Who is the guy at the U.N?

CR: Hu is the guy in China.

GB: Will you stay out of China?!

CR: Yes, sir.

GB: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

CR: Kofi.

GB: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(CR picks up the phone.)

CR: Rice, here.

GB: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?



__________________________________________________ _________

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intellegent people. He asks her how she knows if they're intellegent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. " Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair, puts him on a speakerphone, and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer my question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, " It is me, ma'am." " Correct. Thank you and good-bye sir.", says the Queen. She hangs up and says, " Did you get that, Mr.Bush? " "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!".

Upon returning to Washington, he dicides he'd beter put the chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, " Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." " Why, of course sir. What's on your mind ?" "Uhh, your mother has a child and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it ?". Helms hems and haws and finally asks, " Cand I think about it and get back to you ?". Bush agrees and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators and then puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with and answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Departament and explains the problem. " Now lookee here ,son ,your mother has a child and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it ?" Powell answers immediately, " It's me of course, you dumb cracker." " Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and excalims," I know the answer sir! I know who it is! It's Collin Powell !" Bush replies in disgust, " Wrong , you fucking shit, it's Tony Blair!"

[krista]

I think that is intresting...write some more...

[Serhio]

Сообщение от krista

I think that is intresting...write some more...

I didn't write it by myself, just got it from some other source.

[KeY_]

Serhio, ок then copy some more////

[Serhio]

Сегодня начальство скинуло на мыло вот это :
Today is Sunday but unfortunately working day, then I provide 4 jokes as a rest.
Which is better for you?
___________________
■The Talking Clock
A guy invited a couple of friends around to his new apartment, and after a few drinks, he gave them a guided tour.
Seeing a big brass gong in his bedroom, the curious friends asked “What's the gong for?”
“Oh, that's not a gong,” the guy replied, “It's a talking clock.”
“A talking clock?” the friends exclaimed. “How does it work?
”
“Watch,” the guy replied, picked up a hammer, hit the gong as hard as he could and stepped back.
There was silence for a couple of seconds then someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “You moron! What the hell do you think you're doing!
It's two thirty in the morning!”
■ The dog
A furious woman confronted her husband and said, “I found a piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Cindy Lou written on it.
You'd better have a good explanation.”
“Sweetie, calm down,” her husband replied.
“That was the name of the dog I bet on when I went to the dog track last week.”
The next morning, the woman came up behind her husband and smacked him in the back of the head.
“What was that for?” he complained.
His wife replied, “Your dog called last night.”
■Outrunning!
Two men are hiking in the mountains. One suddenly stops, removes his hiking boots, and starts putting on sneakers.
The other asks why he is doing that.
The first man answers, "I thought I heard a bear."
The second argues, "You can't outrun a bear, not even with sneakers."
The first responds, "I just need to outrun YOU!"
■The Phone Call
Several men are getting changed in the locker room of a gym club.
A cell phone lying on the bench starts ringing, and a man, engaging the hands free speaker-function, answers it.
Everyone else in the room goes quiet as they listen.
Man :Hello
Woman:Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?
Man :Yeah.
Woman:I'm just at the mall and I found this gorgeous mink coat for only $1500 dollars. Do you mind if I buy it?
Man :Not at all, go ahead.
Woman:I also stopped by the BMW showroom and they have the latest model in. It's $85,000.
Man :OK, but for that price I want all the options.
Woman:Great! And one more thing ? that house we were looking at last year is back on the market, and they're asking only $900, 000.
Man :Well, go ahead and make an offer, but just offer $850,000.
Woman:Great! See you later! I love you!
Man :Bye. I love you too.
The man hangs up. The other guys are looking at him in amazement.
Then he asks, “Any idea who that phone belongs to?”

[Serhio]

22) Let`s have a party -- Давайте организуем партию
23) Watch out! -- Посмотри снаружи!
24) I know his story well -- Я знаю его исторический колодец
25) Press space bar to continue -- Космический бар прессы продолжает
26) I`ve just saw your balance sheet -- Видел я ваш баланс... так себе
баланс
27) Let it be! -- Давайте есть пчел!

[Xtina]

Ну я обычн вот так подписываюсь.
Oh sorry if I ain't perfect, sorry I don't give.
Sorry I ain't no diva, sorry just know what I want
Sorry I'm not a virgin, sorry I'm not a slut
I won't let you break me, think what you want.

[rasum]

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAM (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in their life,

just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T. They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

[Maxell]

Поделитесь mp3 записями с иностранной речью (en)... please

[Air]

http://nervasystem.livejournal.com/382391.html#cutid1

[Kinky]

Is there anybody in our great capital to speak english with???
I mean NOT english but just an english speaking person...
If there is then contact me,please.
I've been living abroad and talked different language so I think I need
to train english a little bit now.
And it will be just a pleasure for me to share my thoughts with the help
of this language.
Thanks in advance.

[yujanin]

игра слов...

Osama bin Laden has put bounty on Annan's head (Бин ладен назначил награду за убийство Аннана)

[Milly]

Hi guys.. and girls!
Nice thread you're having here.. I'd like to join your conversation and maybe add some funny stories too.

Cheers

[Fereira]

Serhio, thanks for you humor! The story about Bush and Rice was really greate. I hope to read some of you jokes in future.

[sshsecurity]

Поднимем...
Что, забили все на это дело?

[Masian]

sshsecurity, I don't understand you Let's use english words. I'm sorry if my grammatics hurts. I just started courses.

[raven22]

The 11th Husband....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10
husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be
gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten
times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it
was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was
suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he
didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted
three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art
method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't
sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure
how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss
him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."